Where's my motherfucking October surprise?

Dear Laden,

I could use a little help here. You gave that impotent moron Bush a Halloween gift four years ago. It's time the Maverick got his. Think you could find some time in that busy schedule of yours to cut me a quick video? You know, something that I could use to really scare the piss out of the voters. This Bill Ayers shit just ain't working. I need to connect The One to some real scary Islamiac terrorists. I had Schmidty work up a quick text for you, in case you're busy. You could say something like:

Hello Infidels,

I am taking great interest in your upcoming presidential election. I am liking very much the Democrat candidate, Barrack Hussein Obama. I am glad that you have finally agreed to surrender to the Muslim Caliphate and elect a true believer to the presidency. He will make a great governor of the province of Americastan when he turns your government over to me.

So, as they say in your country, "Remember to vote early and often...for Barrack Hussein Obama!"

Allah's will be done on November 4.

Assalamu alaikum,
Osama

Better get on it quick, Laden. Time's running out.